At The Bar
by marcen12
Summary: Peter and his friends talk about things at the Drunken Clam.


At the bar

Peter Griffin walks into The Drunken Clam, where he sees Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland. (I wanted him to be there as well)

Peter: (walks over to table where his friends are) Hi guys.

Cleveland: Hey Peter. We were just talking about movies.

Peter: (orders a beer) You don't say? What are you guys talking about?

Quagmire: What is the worst Indiana Jones movie?

Cleveland: It's obviously Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Joe: Agreed. It ruined the entire franchise! Why did it have to do that?

Quagmire: Well, that's where the difference between you and me is. Obviously, the worst one is Temple of Doom.

Joe: What?! That movie is a classic!

Peter: Now, now. Joe. I have to side with Quagmire here!

Cleveland: But Peter, out of all the movies, you have a problem with the 4th one the most!

Peter: I did but then I watched it Temple of Doom recently. There are a few stupid moments in THAT movie.

Joe: Oh yeah. More stupid than surviving a nuclear explosion in a fridge?

Quagmire: But in Temple of Doom, they jump out of an airplane using a raft and SURVIVE! HOW does that happen?

Cleveland: That was a raft...they could've made it anyways.

Peter: But they fall off a cliff moments later with the raft! Tell me HOW do they survive?

Joe: Well, Peter, it IS a b-movie series.

Quagmire: Yeah but it has to be grounded in SOME sort of reality.

Joe: Yeah, well, I didn't see too much reality with the CGI in the last Indy movie.

Peter: Okay, Joe, I'll agree with you on that.

Quagmire: What? But I thought you said Temple of Doom...

Peter: I still stand by my statement. But I agree with Joe on that point because there was WAY too much CGI. I mean, the other movies came out in the 80s and the CGI was impressive but in the 4th one...it didn't really seem like it was real.

Cleveland: Also, what was with the aliens in Indy 4?

Peter: Have you SEEN the other movies when you really think about it?

Joe: Peter, we've seen them over 5 times. We haven't noticed much over the years.

Peter: In the 1st movie, looking into an ark makes your skin turn into mush. Temple of Doom had a guy pull out another guy's heart and THAT guy was lowered into a pit of fire and when he was set on fire, the heart was on fire as well.

Quagmire: Don't forget, in Last Crusade, if you drink out of the wrong cup, you die and you become a skeleton...or was that the other way around.

Peter: (gets his drink, takes a swig) So, after all that in a b-movie franchise, aliens would be the next logical step.

Joe: But Peter, aliens ruin everything!

Peter: Joe! Didn't you hear what I've been saying? It's a b-movie franchise...which is what you said earlier. B-movies always have something supernatural. Aliens are usually what's in them.

Cleveland: Looks like we're sharply divided in what's the worst Indy flick. But we all know which is the best one.

All: Last Crusade. (all drink to that)

Joe: Another reason that I didn't like the last Indy flick was because of that Shia kid.

Peter: Now hang on. He wasn't bad in that flick.

Cleveland: But he was so annoying in that movie!

Quagmire: What the Hell are you talking about? He wasn't annoying in it!

Peter: Now, Quagmire, I think he's getting confused with Transformers 2 and 3.

Joe: Don't you mean the Transformers series?

Peter: Well, the 1st movie was tolerable. He was starting out in a big budget action movie. But, in the other movies, he just yelled and screamed all the way through.

Quagmire: Just like Short Round in Temple of Doom.

Cleveland: He may have been annoying but at least he was useful!

Peter: Hey, I would rather take Shia from either Indy or Transformers than Winnie from Temple of Doom.

All: AAAAOOOOOOOOWWWWW!

Cleveland: Damn, that woman was annoying. She barely did ANYTHING in that film.

Joe: Yeah, I may like Indy 4 the least but, when you mention it, I would rather go with Shia. At least he DOES things.

Peter: Has anyone else noticed that Short Round saves her more than Indy has to?

Quagmire: Hey, you're right! Winnie is so useless. Short Round is annoying at times but he CAN be useful.

Joe: When you think about it, I think he saves Indy more than vise versa.

Peter: (thinks about it) Wow. That is screwed up. But I still stand by that Temple of Doom is the worst one.

Cleveland: Well, Peter, elaborate.

Peter: Sure, Temple of Doom is a classic but it's not on par with the other ones. Compared Temple of Doom with the other movies, what's different. The tone. IT'S A FRICKIN INDIANA JONES FLICK! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING ITSELF SO SERIOUSLY! Why is the tone so dark and campy? What's the point of Winnie? Where did the stage at the beginning of the film come from?

Joe: Oh yeah...where did it come from anyway?

Peter: Why are there so many offensive stereotypes in this movie anyway? Now, I'm not saying that your opinion doesn't matter but these movies aren't perfect. Especially Temple of Doom. Its tone is too dark, the characters are obnoxious and there are a few plot holes in the story.

Cleveland: Nice opinion, Peter but Indy 4 is still the worst one. Forget about the nuclear fridge thing, there is something even more stupid! How do they survive THREE waterfalls that get bigger each time?

Joe: Oh yeah. I forgot about that. The first waterfall, they COULD have survived but barely but the 2nd and 3rd ones...that was just stupid.

Peter: Just like the last 2 Transformers movies.

Cleveland: I don't know what to believe. The nuclear fridge, the waterfalls, the obviously fake CGI, the aliens, I mean what has the series come to?

Quagmire: Hey, at least Marion's back.

Joe: Yeah, that's a good thing that the movie did.

Peter: I mean, when you really think about it, Indy 4 is just as good as the other ones. It's still the same action/adventure with a twinge of supernatural movie we all grew up with.

Quagmire: Yeah and what movie would be better when John Hurt would play a character that goes insane.

Joe: The Lord of the Rings?

Cleveland: John Hurt wasn't in those movies.

Joe: I mean the animated movie.

Peter: AAAAAAHHHHH! THE FORBIDDEN MOVIE! (whispers) Legend has it that if you say the name of that movie, there will be another Cool World movie.

Quagmire: Didn't that movie bomb like mad?

Peter: I don't know but I saw the review for it by Harrison Laine and he brought up some very good points about why that movie was a bomb.

Cleveland: What's Cool World?

Peter: Have you ever seen the movie Monkeybone?

Cleveland: Yeah, watched it twice.

Peter: Think that except much worse.

Cleveland: Are you telling me that Monkeybone ripped off another movie I never heard about?

Peter: Let's see, a person going into a weirder world, cartoons coming into the real world...yeah.

Joe: Guys, we're getting off topic. What's wrong with the animated LOTR?

Quagmire: It's dated, the animation is shoddy and it's grueling to watch.

Joe: There are some good moments in it. (sees everyone look at him) But obviously, nothing will top the Peter Jackson movies.

Cleveland: Speaking of movies in different time periods, are you guys going to see the Total Recall remake.

Peter: Nope, Arnold's version did it best.

Joe and Quagmire: Agreed.

Cleveland: I also agree but why?

Joe: Well, the Arnold version had some good ideas, the effects for back then were pretty damn impressive and it is memorable.

Peter: But it's an Arnold movie so there obviously is going to be some over-the-top goofy moments in it.

Quagmire: The new one doesn't quite hit that mark. I think it takes itself way too seriously.

Peter: Yeah, I mean, if you know what to expect for an Arnold movie, it's a damn decent movie. It's not Terminator 2...

Quagmire: But it's better than Terminator 3.

All: Of course.

Joe: What was the point of that movie anyway?

Cleveland: I don't know why...I also don't see why not.

Peter: What do you mean?

Cleveland: Maybe it was time for a third movie. The technology made it possible.

Joe: But the second one was so self contained! It would be impossible for a sequel.

Quagmire: Well, if there would be a sequel, they would have to bend the rules of T2 a little bit.

Joe: Well, why didn't they make a prequel instead?

Peter: They did...and it blew.

Joe: Oh yeah...Terminator Salvation. Thanks for talking me out of seeing it when it came out.

Cleveland: Well, prequels to classic movies aren't usually a good idea.

Quagmire: Something George Lucas should've thought about.

Peter: Now hang on. Those movies may have been unnecessary but they weren't that bad.

Joe: I suppose. But Jake Lloyd and Hayden Christianson were terrible as Anakin Skywalker...and Jar Jar Binks sucked too.

Cleveland: You do realize that if it wasn't for Jar Jar's stupidity, the amazing moments of Star Wars would never have happened.

Joe: And there would be so many deaths to be contributed.

Quagmire: Yeah, that kind of IS a mixed blessing.

Peter: But we're all in agreement...Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan is awesome.

All: Hell yeah.

Quagmire: No question about it.

Joe: We're also in agreement that Episode 2 sucked the big time.

Peter: Obviously...if it focused on Obi-Wan and his adventures, it could've been a better movie.

Cleveland: Not that sexual "chemistry" between Anakin and Padme.

Joe: Isn't Padme a bit of a pedophile?

Peter: I've been wondering the same thing.

Quagmire: What do you mean?

Peter: Isn't it odd that in Episode 1, Padme meets Anakin when he's a little kid.

Joe: And then Anakin is an adult in Episode 2...and SHE still looks the same?

Cleveland: Everyone has said this. He could be in his mid 20s and she could just be turning 30. The age gap may be big but it's not Aaron Johnson and his wife...I take that back, they're adorable.

Peter: Speaking of Star Wars...

Joe: Way ahead of you, Peter. Disney cannot do this.

Cleveland: I don't get the big deal.

Peter: Yeah, neither do I.

Quagmire: I don't think Disney can pull it off, either.

Peter: Really? I think they can...probably.

Cleveland: Besides, do you want someone like Michael Bay directing the Star Wars sequels?

Joe: Hey, as long as Michael Bay has nothing to do with it, I'll be fine with anyone.

Quagmire: But WHY Disney. WHY?!

Cleveland: Peter told me something about this on the way here. A pretty good explanation, too.

Peter: (finishes off his beer) Well, I think that Disney can pull it off. Again, if Michael Bay bought out the movies, it would be a nightmare. It's the same guy who made Transformers 2, a movie that not only ruined the nostalgic minds of the people of who grew up with the 80s cartoon but also ruined the minds of casual moviegoers. Now, I can understand why people don't want Disney to have Star Wars. They haven't made many great live action movies. I'm still reeling over Tron: Legacy...although, I thought the Freaky Friday remake. And I know that Disney tends to bend the adult oriented movies to the younger crowd, making those movies not so great. But before they made crappy direct-to-DVD movies to classic movies, they made classic movies that we all grew up with and all remember fondly. It was good in the past, we remember it right now and future generations will watch and try to figure out what happened to good old fashioned movies. Will the future Star Wars movies be great...we'll have to wait and see. They'll be better than the prequels. And plus...remember The Avengers movie? Amazing, right? Disney had been involved with that movie! If they put those movies in the right hands, they could be fun! I'm thinking if Joss Whedon or Peter Jackson were involved in those movies. They know how to keep a story intact. So, if people expand their minds to this degree, there could be some hope for future movies.

Joe and Quagmire: Damn.

Cleveland: Told you it was a good statement.

Peter: When I'm in the right state of mind, I can beat the President in an argument.

Joe: Where you guys surprised that Obama was going to be elected again?

Cleveland: Well, not really. The only surprising thing was how close it was.

Quagmire: Yeah, I thought it would be a landslide for Obama.

Joe: Like when Bush was elected for a 2nd term.

Peter: Bush was never elected for a 2nd term.

Cleveland: There are books and the Internet that proves otherwise.

Peter: I believe that Al Gore was the clear victor before the votes were announced, absolute landslide. But then a homicidal robot came in and shot up the voting counting room, destroying Gore's votes during the rampage.

Everyone looks at Peter, dumbfounded.

Joe: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth, Peter.

Peter: (raises eyebrow) Is it?

Joe: (thinks it over) Actually, no. But it's in the top 5...top 10...top 20...wow, that actually doesn't place at all.

Peter: Now before you guys judge me further, just think about it. Would you rather believe that, after a TERRIBLE 1st term, people actually re-elected a President for another term OR would you believe that a robot destroyed Gore's votes.

Cleveland: The robot scenario. No question.

Quagmire: As much as I dislike Bush, I believe people were afraid of change. I mean, Bush was President during 9/11 and people thought he was a natural born leader. Bush promised more and more things, more than he could handle. And people still wanted that kind of flawed leader for a 2nd term. People didn't want change, they didn't think they could handle it. They were scared of things that would be different...until 2009 when they elected a man who promised change.

Joe: (shrugs) I agree with Quagmire. People can handle change when they're ready as proven with electing people twice.

Peter: Valid argument. ALMOST made me take your side...the robot idea is still for me though.

Quagmire: You almost got me with the robot scenario.

Cleveland: I sided with that argument, no questions asked!

Joe: Well, we can all agree on something...Twilight is the greatest unintentional comedy ever made.

Peter: Absolutely.

Cleveland: No doubt about it.

Quagmire: The bar could NOT be reached.

Peter: Actually, speaking of movies, Lois and Meg came from a midnight screening of a movie yesterday. They said it was a movie called The Room.

Joe: I never heard of it. What's it about.

Peter: They couldn't tell me. They both looked like they were crying but they claimed that they weren't sad.

Cleveland: (looks at watch) It's 11:25. Want to go see the movie right now?

Quagmire: Sure, why not. It's the weekend.

Joe: Probably a chick flick but whatever, I'll join.

Peter: Okay. Let's go! (gets up, everyone else follows)

Cleveland: Oh, did you guys see Tangled?

Joe: You mean Beauty and the Beast?

Quagmire: What?

Joe: Someone getting their power from a flower, a vain villain, the villain's death is caused by falling, the lovers don't get along at first but they come together through book reading.

Cleveland: (thinks about it) Aww, crap! I thought the movie was 100% original!

Peter: Now guys. There's no such thing as a perfect movie. Anybody who says otherwise doesn't know what they're talking about.

Quagmire: What about Citizen Kane?


End file.
